Destructive Relationships with Pathological Narcissists 44: Walking on Eggshells or Protection-Guidelines against Narcissistic Influences

(photos: schonausprinzip.com)

Why we need to prepare for interactions with malignant narcissists

Persona

An essential realization is that verbal interactions of narcissists are not a result of a self-reflected thought process. Their subconsciousness is much more commanding in this regard and mainly serves the purpose of protecting their fragile ego against any potential attack, as well as solidifying their influence on others.

The persona of a narcissist is armed to a max and equipped with all the regular defense-systems typical for their kind.

The term „persona“ originates from the Psychology of C.G. Jung and all of us have one. It is the version of ourselves we appear as in public, and which serves to represent us in society.

Knowing about the fact, that verbal or non-verbal cues stem from a narcissists’s subconsciousness allows for adequately dealing with them.

There exists a certain predictability of his actions – if you consider how, even with a calm demeanor, a narcissist is always extremely stressed out.

The ability to absolutely control any verbal interaction is crucial for them. And never may we forget: They carry a void within them, an empty space that normally should be filled out by a mature emotional personality.

This personality would usually cover a broad spectrum of emotional abilities and would be able to experience life as much as it would enjoy it.

Inspiration, intuition, creativity, empathy, kindness, fantasy, and depth regarding one’s own potential and that of others. This spiritual world and many more things remain inaccessible to people with narcissistic personality disorder.

Instead, they make up a construct – „construct“ it, if you will – with idealized traits, fragments. A collection of things imitated and presented to the outside world as a sort of „identity-collage“.

A multitude of plagiarism – their metaphorical „life-line“.

Hiding behind this façade is a creature. A mechanism which works, unless afflicted or otherwise damaged.

This mechanism is incapable of creating high resonance – (Hawkins, 1997).

It would go too far explaining the spiritual backround of this topic, since it is nigh impossibe to do so in a short number of words.

I’ll probably write about it soon. Spirituality is the essence of all interactions after all, and more people seem to comprehend the basic connections and transferability of these universal laws.

From a distance

Let us view the unavoidable interaction with a narcissist as a sort of „business-dinner“, where a considerable portfolio of topics is at our disposal.

What do they even want

Malignant narcissists don’t participate in conversations based on joy.

Here a small list of what a person afflicted with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) expects from an interaction:

1. The narcissist wants to generate information – for their own gain and to use against others at a later point in time
2. They want to see their own persona validated. The narcissistic individual is self-centered and they mainly care about validation and status
3. The individual with NPD has to always have control of any interaction they are involved in. They feel the need to dictate from „up above“ onto their conversational opponents – a compulsion to create a vertical hierarchy
4. They try to de-stabilize, since they derive their dopamine from the insecurities of others, robbing them of their energy and fortifying their power
5. They’ll have an opportunity to spread misinformation
6. The narcissist lies
7. They will have an opportunity to practice Triangulation I, by (negatively) speaking about others and being rewarded with dopamine in return
8. They’ll also have an opportunity to enact Triangulation II, by comparing their opponent to a supposedly superior third-party, belittling them in the process (verticality)
9. They also actively withhold appreciation and acknowledgement of their opponent’s achievements: 1.- to de-stabilize and 2. – to serve their envy

How to navigate interactions with them

We leave our safe ports and venture into rough waters when interacting with narcissists. Sometimes confronting them isn’t optional. But with sufficient preventative-action the would-be target of the narcissist can avoid surrendering their conversational sovereignty without the narcissist realizing or profiting from the interaction.

A list of the most important rules to remember:

1. It is essential to remember that the narcissist lives in his (protective) fantasy-world, which must not ever be threatened. However, the act of omission – such as omitting validation and appreciation – is already considered a threat
2. Criticism is prohibited
3. Under no circumstances might personal information be surrendered unless it is absolutely necessary to continue the conversation – in which case circumstancial information may be offered
4. You should listen attentively and scout out information yourself
5. Provocation and triggering of any kind is to be expected. Should such an instance occur changing the topic is recommended. Under no circumstances must you be persuaded to respond to the previous provocation!
6. Be weary and cautious of seductive compliments or attractive promises! Both hold no substance and only serve the purpose of manipulation. The latter is also never abided by. You must re-direct their manipulation attempts right back at them!
7. You’ll have to create the illusion of their vertical hierarchy being effective – but be subtle about it! At this stage the narcissist can unveil your attempted deceit which would be inconvenient and not in your best interest. Your punishment for such a transgression would be quick to come
8. Do not forget, the narcissist is stressed since they must direct a lot of their energy towards keeping up the appearance of their pseudo-personality. Pay attention to small inconsistencies, they can allude to the narcissist preparing to strike!
9. Greed and envy are cardinal-indicators – being aware of them allows for an adequate preparation and reaction
10. Always expect to be at the receiving end of a degradation. The culprit relies on this method to uphold their supposed control of you
11. Don’t forget! The narcissist always has to have the last word, regardless of how contradictory their logic might be. This also applies to „discussions“ about finances and politics
12. Do not expect support or a qualified opinion on your personal issue since your personal problems could never possibly be even potentially as severe as the narcissist’s own
13. Praise them for anything – something will suffice, as long as it is praise of their attributes – and thank them expressively, no matter how inconsequential the gift you received might be

Stay true to yourself and trust your intuition

The goal should be to mostly avoid any individuals afflicted by NPD. Regarding this, it is of the utmost importance to be in possession of these qualities:

1. Reduce the overwhelming mass of information that you will be fed by social media
2. Wander in the outside and appreciate the beauty of nature
3. Challenge your mind regularly and face mind-training exercises
4. Rid yourself of all which no longer matches yourself
5. Feel and strengthen your intuition, grant it more space
6. Keep reciprocity in mind (balance) whenever you give and take
7. Take enough time to react in a reflected manner towards others
8. Try to discover what might raise your personal frequency – such as talents and practice them, improve upon them!
9. Don’t let your actions for others be taken for granted. You always offer a part of yourself up to those, who choose to demand your efforts

Nowadays I barely encounter toxicity – though I did actively choose my current habitat based on the principle of resonance.

In other words, I only interact with people who share my mentality, values, openness and – to a high degree – emotion, which is the underlying quality of all the local interactions.

I’d also like to use this opportunity to refer to the scale of consciousness by David Hawkins once again.

What this all is not about

When dealing with people afflicted by a NPD, which might only be diagnosed by either psychologists or psychiatrists, you are dealing with someone affected by an untreatable personality disorder.

No medical staff, especially the aforementioned specialists in the field of psychology, will ever condemn people with a NPD – it would conflict with their medical code of ethics and it would be highly unprofessional.

Therein lies the conflict, the principle of proportionality isn’t upheld.

On the contrary, there exists a large, estimated number on unknown cases of people gravely affected by destructive behavior of narcissists in around the world.

A wide-spread education on the subject is necessary, however, not condemnation. Meanwhile – ever since this Blog started out in 2015 – times began to change and today there exists a multitude of qualified institutions specialized on the matter.

Nonetheless: You need to beware of unseriousness and must consult a different specialist, if ever you feel like you aren’t being taken seriously.

Should you have any questions on the topic or suggestion, feel free to write them in the comments. I’ll reply to them soon. Alternatively you can also message me under:

brittahvw@gmail.com Britta Heusinger von Waldegg